Hello again! So I realized that its been about six months since I wrote last(other then the other day) and a decent amount of you have no idea what’s been going on in my life. Well everyone now knows that I’m getting married in a few short weeks but I read through my old posts from February and realized that none of you have any idea that I finished Sozo! It was a battle…many times I wanted to skip the meetings and not do the homework but goodness did it do some good in my heart and my outlook! For example…I had a really terrible break up that nearly killed me mind, body and soul when I was 20 and pretty much my entire life after that was constantly plagued by pain and lies about my self worth and self image even though the boy that did it had since turned into my best friend and the man I have in my life now loves me unconditionally and tells me all the time how much worth I have to him. But even still until a few months ago the underlying currents of that event shadowed every aspect of my life even if I didn’t show it very often. It wasn’t until I was in the tail end of the class and a three hour long conversation with said heartbreaker turned best friend that I realized that terrible time in my life was actually a blessing in disguise. Because of that terrible event I got into a recovery program for my self-mutilation addiction, fell back into my faith because of the group and started to break away from my parents and went looking for my own church where I could grow and love and be loved. I was at that church for a year until my parents saw the change in me and decided to start attending with me. By that time I had been asked to move out of the house and Sundays were the only time I really got to see my parents. So when God appeared to Mommy and told her to start attending a different church I decided to change with them because I didn’t want to lose those Sunday mornings. That is the church I am still attending three years later. It’s the church heartbreaker/best friend got saved after his own terrible breakup. It’s the same church that my man started attending to simply spend time with me between our hectic schedules when I was working two jobs a year and a half ago and subsequently got saved in. It’s the church that the woman who is marrying us is a pastor and is a major part of my growth in Christ. It’s the church that I, my parents, my best friend and my man have all grown leaps and bounds in a relatively short time.
Over the last few years best friend has moved on to college where he is still following Christ’s leading in a big way and sharing the gospel with the fellow students he encounters. My mom went on a missions trip to Nigeria last year that completely changed her life and altered her way of thinking and is going to Italy on another one this year. She has become a world traveler spreading the love of Christ to those she meets in foreign lands. My father has been the steadfast rock of the family as usual, keeping us all together and calm and relying on Christ. He has been out of work for about two and a half years but God has always provided my parents with enough funds to live and to keep the house paid for and food on the table and God has blessed them in a big way recently by giving Daddy the job he’s dreamed of for a while. I good paying, long term foreman’s job where he can pick his crew and pretty much run it how he wants. He is working really hard and making really good money that is assuaging Mommy’s worries and blessing them so much. It is so good to see the weight of financial worries off their shoulders.
And my man, you ask? He is doing so well! It’s amazing the changes in him since I met him in October 2012. He’s growing leaps and bounds. He prays everyday and actually listens for the Lord’s voice and hears it quite frequently. We go to church virtually every Sunday(we miss occasionally because he is working two jobs and I’m pulling insane amounts of overtime at work) and we go to our small group on Thursday nights pretty much the same way. It took about a year for him to truly open up at Redwood(our small group) but he shares his God stories now and his prayer requests. He prays openly for me and for others in front of people now and he shares experiences from the past he just barely made it through (God is a true miracle worker in that aspect. Matt should have died or at least had severe brain damage…almost vegetative state kind of damage years and years ago). He works two job with little complaint to provide for us and our soon to be household. He is just the most amazing man I know (I’ve always said that about Daddy but this man trumps even Daddy in my life…just as it should be). He is the head of our household…I always balked growing up about the passages that the Apostle Paul wrote about being Godly woman and submitting to the authority of our husbands but after studying the verses and hear commentary on them from strong women of God and God’s own work in my heart, I realized that I want to do just that. I want to be the picture of a Godly woman for him. I want to submit to him and let him be the head of me…it means he is my protector the one who takes care of me just as I am to take care of him and give him a soft place to land at the end of the day. The reason I no longer baulk at Paul’s teachings is because I know that my man wont take me for granted. He wont shove his protection and his head-ness down my throat. He respects me like no other man ever has and because of that respect I know that he will treat me as his partner in all things…heck he’s done that since before we even started dating. He has always viewed me as a human being with thoughts and ideas and dreams and he treats me as such, taking my opinions into account but with most decisions I look to him for his advice and his opinions before I move forward with a plan and he most does the same to me. That’s what I feel it means to be a couple for God, keeping prayer in the center and mutual respect, partnership and trust. His uncontrollable anger has also diminished since he found Christ. He is now able to keep calm under almost every stressful situation (car rides are still hard for him…but who doesn’t have trouble with that?). I still, all these months later marvel at how much he has changed.
Well I have to get going now…Things to do and places to go before work this afternoon. I hope you appreciated the update….I will post again soon! Love you all and God bless!